Everyone needs this. There are no exceptions. Yet so few people get it? Why? I’ll answer it all here. Connection. All humans need connection to thrive. True, authentic connection. What does connection actually mean? It means truly being seen, feeling heard, letting go of what we were told we “should” be, and embracing who we are deep, deep inside. For me, this is under a whole pile of disorganized laundry and trash that is piled up inside me obscuring my view. Just kidding! I have useful, research-based tips to help.
Tips proven to help:
- Authenticity detective. We need to sit in silence and ask our inner-self really deep questions. When did we first start thinking this way? Who did we learn this from? Is it still serving us?
- Look people in the eyes. Eye contact is a lost art, gone with the in-person, small group networking of the past. We vacantly look past people, or into our phones even when we are in person. It is a small tweak we can try today. Just put the blog down, and look people in the eyes today.
- Write. it. down. Can’t stress this enough. We need to discard the past, lest it build up inside us as heart disease. In order to discard it, we have to know it. Can we try it? Write down the mean thoughts that haunt us, especially when we are doing something new, or starting to feel hopeful. Then bunch it up and trash it!
- Observe when we are doing things we don’t really want to do, but feel like we “should”. It is the polite thing to do. It is family, I have to no matter how bad they make me feel, or how exhausted I am. Again, eff that. If we start to think we should then DO NOT. There is no time to waste on should and could. To authentically connect to people, we have to authentically connect to ourselves. We cannot do that if all we do is what other people tell us to.
“When we numb fear, shame, discomfort, vulnerability… We numb love, happiness, gratitude, joy.”
Brene Brown
Life is meant to be beautiful. Not easy, not comfortable, but like a rainbow. Some showers, followed by sunshine and beauty, that the rain taught us not to take for granted. If I may, let me tell you a short story about a girl I know.
There once was a girl so little and learning She thought she knew the definition of love Betrayal came again and again But one step in front of the other she went Everything had turned upside-down in her world When other people looked up, she looked down When other people saw left, she saw right Wrong was right, right was wrong Every little thing was inside out, playing eternal opposite day This girl so little and learning, didn't have a clue. On she journeyed unaware through life Hopelessly attaining love that wasn't love at all Like an echo in her mind, she thought, is this what real life is? Soon it was wiped from thoughts, of course it is, she was alive after all One day, after facing hatred again, she sought advice from a sage For the first time she was asked "What Happened to You?" Disconnected, she could only shrug Time and pushing and recollecting small puzzle pieces at a time she began to realize Like a child wearing prescription glasses for the first time She realized her mind was playing tricks One painstakingly-long day later, a tumbling came Like an overstuffed closet full to the brim came pouring out Haphazardly, she realized things weren't quite right at all Black was white? Right was wrong? She peeled off the jaded glasses melted into her skin Scarred, but feeling strong She realized what her heart knew all along.
It can be so hard to be shown that we don’t even know what we don’t know. There is a reckoning, an unraveling, an unsettling. We have to go through the darkness though, to appreciate the light. Trust me, we are worth it. Share a journey of your own design below.
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