Anger – why is it so bad?

Every single person on this earth gets angry. It is a natural human response. The distinction is, what do we do with this anger?

• What we do not want to do:
• React
• Lash out
• Get worked up
• Snap
• Ramble off on tangents
• Store it deep inside?

I cannot emphasize enough the deleterious effects of anger. I have met people who say they are not angry, and it is so clearly behind a wall they can’t even see for themselves. We do not know that we don’t know what we don’t know! We have to change that, because silent anger is the most frequently damaging especially for us working women, but this also happens with men. Being forced from childhood to stay small, quiet, emotionless, non-reactive, not being taught a healthy way to handle our emotions? That is what builds up like plaque inside us. It changes our DNA! We vibrate with this anger, and it takes countless opportunities for us to grow or learn. We affect everyone around us, and we are not even aware. Let alone the damage it wrecks on our own bodies! Heart disease, diabetes, obesity, chronic pain, insomnia, stress headaches, high blood pressure, high heart rate, depression and on and on! Who is worth that much damage? Why are we strangling ourselves? Because we are outraged? Because we think they need to hear the truth? They can’t get away with what they did without knowing how it made you feel? Well, sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but angrily explaining anything just shuts down that person’s ability to hear us. We spend fruitless energy simply hurting ourselves.

When is anger healthy? Like anything else in our lives that is difficult to emotionally moderate, this is our opportunity to learn and grow. We need to ask ourselves some key questions when we feel that burning of anger building inside:

• What exactly am I feeling? Frustration? Disappointed? Enraged? Embarrassed? Dig down deep underneath the heat and explore what really is going on after the reaction.
• Is this as bad as my ego is telling me?
• Will this matter tomorrow? In a month? In a year? Why is that?
• If I let this go, who would it affect?
• If I strangle myself, is the person I’m angry at going to be affected? No. Then why am I allowing them to take away my peace of mind?
• Where am I feeling this in my body?
• What can I do to get rid of this pent-up energy in my body?

There are a host of more questions. If this is a battle that we fight with more often than not, then I suggest outside resources. A therapist, a life coach, a mentor that is emotionally intelligent or whatever feels safe to you. There are three sides to every story, and most of the time it is nearly impossible for us to see a situation objectively if we are angry about it. We need to let an objective but supportive person in on all of the details. Especially, we need to let them in on the things we are embarrassed or ashamed about. Those emotions extra cloud our judgement.

What can we do if we can’t get rid of that pent up energy? I’ve got your back!

• Emotional freedom technique
• Meditation
• Exercise (kick boxing is my go-to) but a beautiful walk somewhere can be just as therapeutic
• Journal and get all that anger out on the page
• Sing a song that feels strongly
• Paint
• Color
• Build something

There are some beautiful visualizations that really help, too! I have done a few of those for free if you check out my YouTube.