How do we cure stress?

Stress, overwhelm, anxiety, depression, exhaustion, sadness, grief, and all manifestations of these distraught emotions, are a distraction. We (myself included, so please don’t think I’m speaking from some soap box) humans, get caught up in the competing demands.

This is the dynamic, a circle of demands that are never ending. We live in a superficial world. All of us are caught up in money, what we “should do”, meeting the ever-expanding demands of work, never being satisfied with our physical appearance, trying to be good mothers/wives/girlfriends/members of society. The list could go on forever. The point is, with this never-ending circle, the only option is stress, overwhelm, and unhappiness.

Let us break it down even more A person can only give 100% when they are rested, nourished, completely clear of stress so they can focus fully on the task at hand. Let’s pretend as if that 100% is possible despite competing demands. We have to eat, drink, sleep, have shelter and some money to pay for these things. Unfortunately, we get caught up because if we are applying ourselves in one area, the other area has to compensate for that priority. Thus, enters guilt, overwhelm, shame, and repeat.

How then, do we break the cycle? By making the conscious effort. Let me explain. Anxiety is a focus on the future, depression is a focus on the past. We are physically incapable of being in several places at once. So pick what to do, right now in this moment. Not tomorrow, not in an hour, just right now. Then do that. Forget about what else needs to be done. Now this is where people get frustrated. Of course it is easier said than done! Most people won’t even try. We prefer to numb with our phones, social media, TV shows, video games, alcohol, or other substances. We ping pong between overwhelm, to numbing. Anything else seems too hard and we immediately give in. It takes determination. For most people, if ever they make this drastic of a change, they have to hit rock bottom. I am trying therefore, to save us from that pit if possible.

Mindfulness is such an obscure concept. Difficult to grasp with our analytic brains. Often even, it is confused with numbing. Let us re-frame. Our stress comes from thinking. We are addicted to it. Don’t believe me? Try to stop. Right now. Do not think another thought.

How long can we stop thinking for, before our minds give us thoughts? Our brains are controlling us, and it is time to realize that, and take the power back. Like any muscle, or new skill, it takes practice. We have a lifetime of uncontrolled thinking to wrestle with. Do not expect it to be easy. Do expect it to be worth it. Get a therapist, get a life coach, get a meditation podcast, sit in silence, find an instrumental song to listen to. There are a variety of ways to help treat the affliction. But start, simply by realizing that is a problem. Admit it, and decide to do something about it. Sometimes our minds will start judging us now, self-criticism, negative thoughts, spiraling out. Smile, it is okay. We are humans, and that is just our minds rebelling from the concept of losing control. Acceptance, that is part of the grieving process right? Let us grieve that we have lost control of our inner peace. Then, let us celebrate that we have identified it, are no longer in denial, and can now take steps to let our peace shine through. We can go on this journey together. I will be an accountability partner.

Step 1: Focus attention on the inner peace – it is in there somewhere! Even if for a second, we can take one breath in silence and know it is in there (yes perhaps under the piles of expectations we still need to dump, patience!)

Step 2: Accept that what happened in the past, is done. It cannot be changed, dwelling on it is wasting precious energy. Let. Go.

Step 3: Accept that crystal balls do not exist. Worrying about something that may never happen is wasting precious energy. Deep breath!

Step 4: Right now is what we are working with. If we are in life-threatening danger, take action. If we cannot possibly quiet the mind because of a trauma currently (in this second) occurring, take action. If there is nothing that can be done right now? Accept what is. When we can take action, we will.

Step 5: Let all judgements of ourselves, and others, go. We are not perfect, it does not exist. Who are we to judge others? Who are we to be critical of ourselves? What a waste of beauty that is. Our minds try to trick us into believing these things. That is how it controls us. Thanks, but no thanks criticism. You aren’t serving me now.

The rest of the steps can come later. Right now, we just want to work on these. For some of us, it may only last a fraction of a second. Others, may not get it at all. Stressing and numbing is more contagious than COVID, sadly. We must all be able to recall being in the presence of someone so stressed, we can feel it. That is contagious. It is energetically palpable. Think of being in the presence of someone truly joyful. Did we catch their joy, or get annoyed? That speaks to our own inner peace. Try to find some company with those who choose joy. We cannot find peace if we surround ourselves by those who choose over-working, stressing, and numbing, instead of living this one precious life. Choose wisely.

Comment or message me to join a virtual community of support in breaking the cycles that bind us, and living in peace, today.